Product. Placement. Project Runway, Season 5, Episode 7

Oh my goodness kids, I am so sad I didn't get a full blog post in for the DRAG QUEEN episode!

I feel terrible but my schedule has been, to quote Suede, whackadoodle lately.

I would like to touch on last week's episode a little bit. Thank GOD Daniel is gone. How annoying can one smarmy, greasy little design boy be? At least he wasn't talking about his "impeccable" taste a whole lot.

I've noticed that there are so many bitchy little designers this season. Not like fun bitchy, like past seasons, but whiny, passive aggressive bitchy. Get overself, if you aren't established enough in the industry to have to be on this show, then your shit still smells.

Congrats to Joe though! Who knew token straight guy would pull it off? Korto's was gorgeous and Terri's was super striking, but Joe really hit the nail on the head with his sailor outfit.

Alright enough about the queens. Let's move on to this week's show!

We open on Kenley saying that Daniel was her bff on the show. I had already lumped her in the whiny bitchy designer category so this makes sense.

Hey guys, did you know that Heidi has a part time gig as a referee?

For this week's challenge, she sends them on a trip to the rooftop of some building and Blanorexic thinks they might be designing for some superstar while Korto think's they're going to Mariah Carey's penthouse. These people have clearly never watched this show.

Kenley is "scaaaareed!!" Shut up.

They get to the top and it's all very Oprah, "You won a car!!"

You won a pile of crap!

Obviously that's not it. Each of the four cars is stocked with materials made to construct Saturn cars. Oh yeah, did you all know Saturn is a sponsor for this show?

The itsy Saturn man calls for them to "Go!" and I half expected him to tell them to "Go shake it!" Rene Fris makes me giggle.

It looks like everyone goes running for the same car, except Jerrell who seems to have enough sense to go in the other direction.

They look like the homeless ladies on the corner near my old job.

My god, Suede is talking in first person. Unfortunately he just said whackadoodle. Wonderful.

Everyone gets to work and RatTail interviews that he wants to tone down his garment to please the "****ing judges". You don't want to please them, you want to impress them. And quit being a douche. And cut your hair.

Suede says whackadoodle again. He's back to talk in third person. Someone shoot me.

Great now he's talking about his dead father which makes me sad. Is he going to have a new dead relative for each challenge? Just saying.

You guys, my hands are like the perfect shade of tan.

Tim sends in the models for a fitting and he tells Kenley that her model had to drop out and they are replacing her with Germaine. So she naturally overreacts completely and whines like a total twit.

Jerrell said she probably booked a job that was paying her money and I laugh like a total moron because I thought he said she booked some GUY that was paying her money. Hehe.

Kenley's all well it's all about me right now. When is it not, honey?

Where's Mariah when you need her?

Alright we need to jump ahead because I have to go to the grocery store. Oh wait, Keith is a total bitch and everyone hates him. I think it's the rat tail.

Runway time! The models all do their walks and I must say that everyone did a relatively decent job this episode. It's hard to identify that these are car parts so good on you designers!

Laura Bennett is sitting in for Miss Nina and thank god it isn't Anne "Too much tootie" Slowey. Rachel Zoe is also there and her face should be a good wake up call for Blayne to quit tanning so damn much.

The judges start with Jerrell:

His garment came out quite good. The details are really interesting and he stuck with his futuristic vibe and really made it work. I have no idea how they did that to her hair, but it looks cool as hell. Good job Hobo Chic!

Blayne is next and HELLO fit problems!

It's not ALL bad. The bust doesn't fit, but that could have been fixed with some darting. I also think it's too long and would have looked better at knee length. The judges give him all kinds of shit and he's obvi in the bottom three.

Korto also used seatbelts like Blayne and hers was much more successful.

I was surprised more people didn't use this weaving technique. It ended up really working well for Korto and this piece came out really beautiful. It's chic and well made and looks expensive.

Leanne was another favorite and for good reason.

Her design was amazing. You would never know that those are car parts and it's SO well tailored and well made. It takes a great designer who can make massive hips look sexy and purposeful.

I liked Stella's a lot more when it walked down the runway. I thought the skirt moved well but then we got to the close-ups.

The construction was really poor on this thing. The skirt was gaping in spots and the fit in the top was awful. I liked the idea of it and I appreciated her stepping out of her comfort zone, but this was a big miss.

Fortunately for Stella, Keith crashed, burned and bitched.

On top of being badly made and poorly fitted this was SO boring. I get that he was trying to show restraint or whatever, but come on. This was terrible looking. And do not get me started on the back of this thing. It was awful looking and shittily made. He also talked back to Laura. Her "Excuse me?" with that tight little smile makes her a fun bitch.

Keith is all emotional because he doesn't like criticism. Newsflash Muscles, your in the fashion design industry. People are not going to hold your hand and tell you everything is gorgeous. Blodd, sweat and tears go into making your vision come to life and the public does not always respond well. If you don't know that now, then you are in the wrong line of work.

Leanne is the big winner this week and she and Korto are total front runner's for me right now. They are both showing really strong designs and I'm so impressed with them.

Needless to say, Keith is out and I am only going to miss the hotness factor. He was super mediocre and had such an attitude. He starts crying and I feel bad for two seconds. But whatever, we're weeding out the bad seeds. I'm excited to see who will make it to Bryant Park because we do have some strong talent left.

Alright, I'm of to the grocery store so I can cook up a storm! Have a good week everyone!

Auf Wiedersehn ;)

The Jungle Look -- Project Runway Season, Episode 5

Oh Emm Gee bitches, has it been a crazy couple of weeks!

We had family in town and I lost my job and I've been working part time retail and am so tired afterward that I'm deadskie and can hardly even watch the show.

Buuuut, I've managed. Emily is gone!! My girl crush is eliminated. Sad face. And Jennifer is gone, but whatevs, she was boring and her Holly Golightly exhibit look was pure boredom.

This weeks episode is upon us and Blanorexia says "dramalicious" in the first two minutes. This season's designers suck ballz in the personality department.

Alex is auf and she actually speaks! She wishes the designers luck, which like never happens. What happened to the whole models should be seen and not heard?

Heidi explains that the designers will be making an outfit for a high powered woman. Blayne says he hopes it's not Hilary Clinton because he'd never win if he made a neon pantsuit.

No.

Shit.

Blayne.

It turns out that Brooke Shields is our special guest! Sweet! Suddenly Susan was the jam back in the day.

Teams of two. Wonderful. Although this does cut back on the multiple outfits on the runway. Hooray for halfsies. The designers show their stuff and Brooke gets to picking.

Keith is first. Big mistake lady. This is supposed to be Lipstick Jungle, not Ruffle Shitstorm. I mean we all saw the TP Dress.

Korto is next whose asthetic I enjoy. I liked her winning outfit last week with the darted pants.

Jerrell is picked and I kind of LOVE him. I really liked his striking inspiration dress even though his Olympics mindset is questionable. He also wears black nail polish which makes me smile.

Kelly is picked and so is Terri. I'm loving on Terri lately. Her asthetic is so sporty compared to all these other cocktail dress loving hags. I dig her.

Blayne is picked last and I sort of want to grab some earplugs since I know there is going to be a bunch of licious crap happening.

Designers pick their pairs and the most awesome pairing is Jerrell and Leatherella. I'm excited for the quotables that might come from this. He was also super sweet by making it not suck that she was picked last.

Passive aggressive designer speak happens at Mood with Kenley "gently" suggesting that Keith listen to her and use this god awful hippie shit fabric. Passive aggressiveness is a huge pet peeve for me.

"Being passive aggressive and kind of snatchy is a great release for me."

Make it work time and the designers get into it right away. Kenley and Daniel are almost immediate in their distaste for their fellow designers visions. Shut up. Please. It's so annoying and just useless.

Suede is questioning Suede and Terri says possibly the most awesome thing ever. "I don't know what he's packing...balls or vajayjay. But he needs to work that out. I ain't got no babies, ain't nobody sucking on my *bleep* (I think she said titty) so please, man up."

Amazing. Honey, Suede is a gay man who speaks in third person with a slightly blue mohawk. Manning up only happens to him when he sees another man, man up. Was that too obvious? It made me giggle.

The models come in for an early fitting and Joe is all drooling over Korto's pumpkin jacket.

So I think it's cute that he's dating Wes and all, but Daniel is a total bitch. He's so "It's not my style, I don't care, I'm not doing it and..." fuck you, watch the show one time before trying out. He was so bitchy last week about his Olympic Airlines costume last week and this week he's being a bitch to Kelly about her look.

"I'm all about high end glamour. Oh, and being a total asshat."

He totally mis-made the skirt which should have been a cake walk and he couldn't be more disgusting about it. "I just didn't care, because it was her design." Nice, bitch.

Tim comes in for a critique and the bitchassness starts.

Uh-oh, Korto's jacket thingymabob looks like a sweet potato parka. The dress underneath is nice, but super simple. Joe comes out of left field that he doesn't like the parka thing and he totally seems like an under the bus thrower. Watch your back JHud.

Joe's all, "I was just trying to make a gentle suggestion, and she flipped her shit." A 180 degree opinion change is not what I would call gentle.

Things seem to be going well for Jerrell and Stella. I was so hoping there would be hilariousness between them but they are working so harmoniously together.

It's like they are one person. Jereather?

It's the day of the runway show and all the designers are poo pooing each other's work. Specifically Kenley is questioning where Daniel's impeccable taste is. And no lie, so am I.

Hair, makeup, five minutes until the show...

"And some of you are still sewing? Question Mark?" I fucking want to marry Tim Gunn.

Let's start the show!

If you like me, check this box...

First we have Korto and Joe with their submission.

I must say that this jacket looks a shit ton better then it did on day one. They edited it well and while it still looks a bit like a halloween snow jacket, I dig it.

Korto and Joe were safe as were Terri and Suede. I thought Terri's look was great, but it was a bit young for the assignment.

And here's Kelly and Daniel's design. Orangina sums it up beautifully. "Slutty, slutty, slutty"

Kelly picks Daniel to go home since this is total shit and Daniel starts rattling off about his impeccable taste and high end glamour and womp, womp, womp. That's when Kenley loses her shit on the runway and it's SO uncomfortable.

Daniel is starting at her all intense and greasy and she's sort of a total bitch.

"You're going to club her in the knees, aren't you?"

My fave team this week is next and hello Jerrell, way to work it out, girl! Granted, his submission is majorly different then his drawing but it's put together well, the fabrics work gorgeously and it looks age and character appropriate.

Keith and Kenley are next and this isn't ba at all. I think that the idea is beautiful. The shirt was incredible interesting and came out so nice. The trick with the sleeves was neat and showed how Keith really paid attention to the challenge.

Here is the design for Blayne and Leanne. I don't think it's right for the challenge, but I know I'm in the minority in that I really like the actual design. I thought it was fresh looking albeit too casual. There are major fit problems going on in the crotchal region that made poor Polina look like she was packing heat, but the colors were great.

I also really liked that Blayne didn't throw Leanne under the bus since she was a good partner and it was his design. The judges call him bratty, which I get, but I found that to be a very mature move on his part, which has failed many others in the past.

So Keith wins it and I really felt that Jerrell was robbed. I personally liked his design better and thought that they were both suitable for the challenge, but Jerrell's was more of a risk and just better looking.

Kelly and Blayne are the last two standing and I knew Kelly was toast. She was good the first week but average from that point forward. Blayne had a better and less trashy design as well.

I thought Daniel should have been considered more for the auf'ing due to his shit attitude and crappy submissions each week, but I think Kelly deserved it even though I liked her. It was a cheap looking outfit which is never a good thing.

Next week there are drag queens! Excellent!

And on a finaly note. What in hobo hell was Jerrell wearing this episode? Or any episode for that matter?

For real, he looks like Little Orphan Tranny.

It's Not Easy Being Green - PR Season 5, Episode 2

Our second episode of the season opens on Suede alone in his room waxing philosophical about Bobby Lee getting the boot last week. And Suede is still talking in the third person, which AJ finds increasingly annoying.

Wandering over to 17J, Terry and Leatherella are making some nasty ass looking drink with all kinds of grass in it. And judging by Stella's eyes most of the time, I do mean "all kinds".

I'm just kidding! You can't drink marijuana.

But for real, it looks like her trash bags from last week took a crap in a glass. Stella is OMGing about still being in the competition and suddenly seems to realize that this is a serious competition. Thanks for the joining the party, genius.

Apparently I've been spelling "Holla at ya boy" wrong. I guess it's "atcha". I guess I don't carelicious.

There is model picking and I guess I was wrong last week. Not all the models are homely. Just a select few. One of them gets the boot. The models are going to be clients for their respective designers.

Twist time! The models are going to be shopping for "green" fabric to make a cocktail dress.

Oh damn, I hate Keith's glasses and am I totally insane or does he have a mini, curly, rat tail in the back of his head? I might have to redirect my crush this season. Rat tail's are not okay.

I guess we'll never know...

I'm a bit surprised that the models seems so lost at Mood. You'd think that since they are involved in the fashion industry, they'd no more. But models aren't always known for being the sharpest pin in the box.

There is consulting, there is pattern making, Kelly calls Leatherella Drapey Draperson and it makes me smile because Stella starts freaking about draping. And I'm over her more then I was before.

Suede starts cutting strips of his fabric and has a whole convo with himself in third person, completely alienating the other designers.

"Suede's really sad. Suede's going to go home and cry all night long. Leanne likes Suede, but Suede needs to stop talking in third person."

AJ agrees with Leanne.

Tim comes in to scare everyone and Korto starts talking about her dress. It's cute. Inside out, but cute. Oh...it's not inside out? Oooooh...

Tim is clearly concerned and then says "hot mess" and I love him so much!

Suede's strips are looking fug and my mom audibly "ewed" it. I love her too. Wesley's dress looks like doody. Fertilizer is eco-friendly and organic, right? Ten bucks says that fabric smelled bad.

Leanne is in need of some editing, and coincidentally decides to keep adding shit to her dress. That always makes sense.

Stella is bitching more about the fabric and saying how she wishes every challenge was with "leathah" and wow, her voice is annoying.

Roblayne says something about her having a leather cat and it makes me smile. The Leatherella tells him to remove the leather strip from his teeth, referring to his gap. I have a gap too, bitch. Watch it. Then Blayne tells her he loves her leather face and I forgive him a smidge for that girlicious bullshit.

Oh my damn, he just called his model "Liciousness". I take everything back.

*random side note time* Kendall the model looks like a prettier version of Kate Bosworth. And I'm developing a girl crush on Emily.

Jerrell notes that "The looks on some of the designers faces, especially Team Ugly Brown Fabric, is kind a look of concern. And I think justly so." Not as quotable as "I am SALTY!!!" but true for sure. I think I'm going to like this queen.

I like salty foods.

The runway is upon us and as a surprise to no one, it's Natalie Portman, whom I LOVE!

The models start their strutting and I actually really like most of the looks. Some of them came out shitty, but overall things are looking cute.

I liked Terri's a lot since her fabric was so different from everyone else's. I also like Blayne's with the color blocks and Emily's with the braiding in the back.

Let's get to the winners and auf'ers.

Kenley is up first and it's super cute. The belt looks amazing with it and while it's a bit tight in the bust, it's very flattering to the model.

Wesley gets torn a new one and his garment does look REALLY overworked. It's not god-awful, but the fabric is certainly doing it no favors. Everyone is talking about Nina's "I think shiny, tight and short, is the quickest way to look cheap" comment. Hi Heidi!! It's been said, but it's still funny.

"OMG, did you see Heidi's short, shiny, tight outfit? How do you say 'cheap' in German?"

On to Leatherella. I sort of hate that she's in the top three since I can't stand her. I just hate how she's so willing to give up and just eff everything. There are plenty of other talented designers that would love to take your place, at least give it a try. I don't hate the dress, but I liked other designs a lot better.

Korto is also given a beating over her hemlines and the odd choice of backward darts. It would have worked if it were tailored better and I think if the darts weren't so thick. If they were more subtle, like piping, it would have gone over much prettier.

Next is Suede, and I must say that his dress ended up a lot better then I imagined it would. It's still a little strange to me, but it looks great on his model and is definitely interesting.

Leanne's dress needs editing. Like Tim said to her hours ago. She kept throwing shit on there and it looks that way.

Suede wins, and I'm not so sure I agree with it. It took a ton of work to do his design and it looked good, but I responded better to Kenley's. And Suede talks in the third person like a total douche.

Wesley has been auf'ed. Oh sad! I thought it would be Leanne but that fabric was just a disaster and I'm not surprised they were the bottom two.

There are still a shit ton of designers and this episode felt a little boring. Next week, it seems that the designers are all trying to kill each other, so that should make for more interesting blogging. Guess we'll have to wait and see...licious.

Designers of the Round Table...cloth - Project Runway, Season 5

Well, well, well...we're back I see. And so quickly! While the wait between Season's 3 & 4 seemed endless, this was has been (obviously) rushed.

No matter, since it's my favorite show. I can't complain too much, except that Bravo is seriously trying to ruin the franchise before the big jump to Lifetime (really? Lifetime? I at least hope that one of the challenges involve the designers making an outfit for a pregnant/raped/kidnapped Tori Spelling/Candace Cameron/Jennifer Love Whatever for her upcoming role in the Lifetime Original Movie, Not Without my Recycled Storyline - The Story of Washed-Up Actresses).

I am avoiding the spoilers just out of principal. You will not ruin this for me, bitches!

Let's move on to the task at hand. I'm back! My job is in it's slow season and I think I can sneak a couple hours away each week, during work, to start recapping again. Chicka-chicka-yeah.

This time around, we're back to 16 designers. That's a lot of people to meet and they all come in to the Gotham apartments, while the screen shows off their respective portfolios.

Most notable for me are Leanne, because I thought her portfolio was really gorgeous; Keith, cuz he's hot as balls; and Suede because his name is dumb. Oh, and Korto because I think she looks like Jennifer Hudson. I got confused and half expected Paula to show up and tell Heidi that she enjoyed the unicorns flying out of her ass or something.

We also find out that Blayne is a tanorexic.

I sincerely hope that isn't bronzer.

Oh, honey, why?

I also figure out that someone, somewhere has made American Flag leggings. Aaaand, Stella is wearing them. Everyone is giving her the Cher edit, but I'm getting a distinct Illeana Douglas vibe from her. A goth, American Flag Leggings wearing vibe, but nonetheless.

Leggings? Leather? Ugly is as leather boy shorts does, I guess.

Heidi and Tim invite the crazies up to the roof and Tim likely breaks a windshield via champagne cork. They do the requisite meet 'n greet party, but as far as I know there were no walk-off's.

I'm rather sure Blayne set-up a lawnchair for melanoma reasons, though.

Let's get to the challenge, shall we?

The designers are going on a field trip (I feel like I've been here before). Tim leads them through New York only to end up at Gristedes. Wait a second, we HAVE been here before! Tim says there's a special guest joining them, and before she even pops on screen, I know it's got to be Princess Austin!

Scarlett O'Homo

I literally lost my shit and turned to my mom and said "He looks beeeaaauuutiiifuuul!" while clapping like a seal. I am so easily pleased. But, on the real, I think Austin is my most favorite designer, from all seasons of Project Runway. I loved his designs on the show and am so pleased that he's made a name for himself in the business with his opportunity.

I did notice that he was not wearing lipgloss though, and that sort of made me sad.

The producers have finally run out of new ideas and are reverting back to Season 1's premiere challenge: The Supermarket Challenge!

As you all know, the designer's each get $75 and 30 minutes to ransack Gristedes for materials to create an innovative look out of everyday items.

Keith, come show us which way the beach is...

In Season 1, this challenge was so much fun and really showcased how the designers can think outside the box. Interesting items purchased: bouncy balls, Solo cups, vacuum cleaner bags and mops.

Back at Parsons, the designers begin to transform their grocery items into fashion and the results start off super iffy.

Stilleana bought trash bags to use for her design, and upon opening the packaging discovers that they are not good trash bags. Okay, rock star, what did you expect? When your design revolves around trash bags the quality of the bag becomes a moot point. Whether it's a great trash bag or a dollar store one, it's still a trash bag.

She starts bemoaning the dollar store quality trash bags and doesn't think she'll be able to do anything with it. If only trash bags came in American Flag print.

Tanorexia starts fitting and pinning his dress form with drawer liners and actually calls them, I shit you not, "girlicious".
Ummmmmmm...yeeeaaaahh.

I hope Nicole Sherzinger likes place mats.

Jerrell has a similar response to mine and finds it heinously annoying.

But Tano keeps saying it and I wonder if he really wants his attempt at a catchphrase to remind everyone of the Pussycat Dolls. I never watched this trash, but since I'm an avid Top Model fan I used to see commercials for Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious constantly. Given that this project was the brainchild of PCD founder Robin Antin, I am officially dubbing Blayne: Roblayne Tantin.

It's obvious that he's desperately trying to capitalize on the success of Christian's feircetrannymess bit from last season, but it's seriously not working for me right now.

Murmurings are made throughout the workroom that a lot of people picked similar items with their use of table cloths.

Uh-oh, table cloths are basically muslin but with a picnic pattern on them. And since muslin = fabric, and this challenge is about being innovative with strange materials, the majority of the designers get an ass ripping from Tim during his first go-round.

Oh, snap. You bitches better run.

Tim straight up calls them 'slackers', and he's totally spot on. Ugly table fabric is not innovative, it's just ugly. And Tim looks super peeved.

He meets with Kelli, who's had a flash of brilliance by dying vacuum cleaner bags. The paper really looks like high end painted fabric and is starting to come together nicely.

Tim also check in on Stella and she hasn't done much aside from opening the package of trash bags and staring at it for a few hours. Whatever, I'm already over her.

He also checks in with Jerry who is making some batshit crazy April Showers, Bring May Fugliness outfit. He's trying to create a raincoat out of shower curtains and it's turning out very strange looking. Tim thinks he needs something else with it and Jerry agrees.

And I might be crazy, but the second I saw Jerry, I thought he looked like Bobby Lee from MadTV.

Yes? No? Does it matter?

And on the subject of people looking like...people... This picture of Emily at Gristedes, is giving me a major Juliette Lewis vibes.

I imagine it's the oddly placed headband, but since I sort of have a secret girl crush on Juliette Lewis, I'm going to let it slide.

While Tim is in the workroom, he stops at Roblayne's station and asks him what the fug he's making. Tano says it's an outfit that won't bore the judges, and Tim agrees.

When Tim goes to leave, Roblayne tells him to "Holla at ya boy!"

Really?

I didn't want to do this, but you've left me no choice. You want girlicious?

Here.

Strangely enough, he fits in. I think it's the skin tone. All he needs is a bad weave and ugly boots.

There are some things you just don't say to Tim Gunn.

This thing is getting long with me talking about absolutely nothing, so lets jump to the runway portion.

The designers are all assigned models, and I must say, it's a pretty homely bunch this go 'round. Is Bravo trying to make this season total shit?

Everyone struts their designs out on the runway, and it's clear who the top and bottom folks are, although there are a couple I disagree with.

For starters, there were two I liked a lot that I think were near the top of the group, but not quite top 3 quality.

This dress was Jennifer's, she of the librarian looks, and was made out of paper towels. It's a rather simple shape, but using paper towels was a great move. It really came out looking like fabric which was nice. I also enjoyed the touch of random lipstick kisses. Plus, the styling was great.

This outfit was Terri's, and while the bottom part was ugly and unimaginitive, I really liked that mop halter. I really responded well to those designers who thought outside of the box, insted of just gluing shit to a table cloth and calling it innovation.

The top three I did agree with and the innovation they used was genius.

While Korto used a table cloth, the silhouette came out beautiful and the color really worked on her model, which was fortunate. I also thought that this was the most beautifully tailored piece out of all of them.

And the detailing around the neck was flawless.

Daniel used plastic beer pong cups (at least that's what they are to me) to make a cocktail dress. He heated and molded the plastic around a muslin shell and it came out really cool.

It's a little bit armor-like and it makes me want to play flip cup, but I thought the idea was smart and really original.

The winner was Kelli who really went for broke in her usage of everyday materials to create her look.

I kind of hated the fit on the boobs, but that's a small complaint because the rest was gorgeous. She made her own hooks and eyes out of notebook binding! Awesome. And a totally deserved win.

But enough niceness, lets move on to the shit.

And shit it was.

I'll start with Roblayne, but only because I didn't think his was THAT bad.

Don't get me wrong, it looked like shit and Little Miss Muffett wasn't making it any better with his ego about it. My argument against it being in the bottom three was how much better it enveloped the idea of the challenge then some of the other pieces.

For example, Suede's dress was ugly and easy. He sewed a piece of shit dress out of an ugly table cloth and glued doggie doo bags all over it.

I'm just thinking that the judges should have thought more about difficulty then beauty.

Speaking of easy and ugly.

Trash. Hag.

I'm not going to give this much time, because she gave up and that shit pisses me off.

Alas, Bobby Lee was the one who got the boot. And boy, did he deserve it!

The serial killer references have been made, I know. But, on the real, she looked like Ryan Gosling in Murder By Numbers with that get-up.

And, while I love me some Ryan Gosling, this was not okay. On top of being wholly creepy, it was poorly made and unimaginitive. Plus, the dress underneath was total shit.

So we have one down and fifteen to go and I'm happy to be back to blogging. I'll also be chronically my (hopeful) weight loss as I've rejoined Weight Watchers to get rid of my juicy parts =)

See you all next week!

I'm a Neglectful Skank

So I got a new job and the process of having the holidays and then dealing with a septoplasty and then getting a new job has seriously taken it's toll on my blogging time.

That and my spare time has been slim to none.

This is the first week of the new job but I'm going to try really hard to blog about this weeks episode. So much has happened! Jacks sick, Steven is gone!!, and then the sure fire dark horses, Kevin and Kit are eliminated back to back?! What the fuck Bravo?

Anyway, as a consolation I'll leave you bitches with a darling picture of my puppy.

He's a doll baby.

Promise to try!!!

Made in the 80's - Project Runway Season 4, Episode 4

So, when I was a freshman in college, I had this muscle tee-shirt that said "Made in the 80's" on it in gold lettering. It was quirky in the sense that I was born in '82 and the shirt looked so dated it could very well have been made and designed then. Of course, everyone and their mother got a version of it, so I was forced to retire it early.

I don't really have a point to this story aside from pointing out my questionable taste in clothing as an 18 year old. That and it works with the title of this post.

So as well all know by now, the designers were split into teams of three and given some of the most offensive fashion fads of the 70's, 80's and early 90's to recreate.

Most of the fads were 80's inspired.

Unfortunately.

From giant frilly poodle skirts to oversized sweaters, our dear designers were tasked with updating these looks and making a cohesive collection.

I know, right!

Stephen's perplexed face echoed mine to a tee.

Ugh. Dancewear.

And our loveliest judge who isn't the host, Miz Nina Garcia was on hand to present the challenge in the workroom.

This picture is totally candid.

I figured that with all the nasty fashion Nina's head would start spinning around and pea soup would start spewing from her face.

Anne Slowey's tootie should be so lucky.

Anyway, I was really hoping for some drama as I heard little twitters that there would be some good fighting between Ricky and Victorya and between Jillian and anyone within hearing range.

The built-up drama was for naught however, as both of these "fights" were rather mild-mannered and well communicated. There was no crying, no crying and cutting and no model stealing.

Oh, wait. Jack totally ganked Ricky's model.

You total bitch.

At least Ricky didn't cry. Again.

And at least Jack handled himself better then Shetangi and apologized. What's with all the niceness?!?!

Anyway, so the teams were Jillian, Rami and Kevin with Jillian as the lead; Chris, Sweet P and Stephen with Chris leading; Christian, Kit and Jack with Christian as the fearless one and Ricky, Elisa and Victorya enlisting Ricky as their leader.

Throughout this whole episode I found that several designers reminded me of people or characters I've seen.

For example. There is something about Stephen that totally makes me think that he is the lovechild of Ryan Phillipe, Wallace Shawn and Andrae. It's weird.

Like, totally weird. I'm also beginning to think I'm crazy.

He's so totally adorable and sweet though.

In other Celebrity look-a-like news, the more I see Jillian:

The more I see this:

Above would be Ally Sheedy starring in the 1986 classic, Short Circuit as Stephanie. (If you've never seen this movie, do yourself a favor and rent it this weekend. "No disassemble!")

I'm not saying that Jillian looks like Ally Sheedy, but the way she dresses and wears her hair is really reminiscent to me of this character. She has that late 80's early 90's casual style with the overalls and button down shirts.

I also had no idea that Stephanie was played by Ally Sheedy.

Perhaps I've completely lost it. Anyone feelin' where I'm coming from?

And speaking of overalls, they just happened to be one of the outdated trends featured.

They ALSO just happened to be Jillian's bottom of choice that day. I can't lie, her overalls are sort of cute.

But.

Still.

They are overalls!

Jillian has this weird, sort of hippie 80's style that's been given a punch of classiness that somehow works for her. I also think she's lying when she says she is 26. She carries herself much older in my opinion.

Along with Rami and Kevin, Jillian won the challenge and proved that I'm not wrong about her and she is sort of awesome!

Cute!!

Like really cute. You know, considering these looks were inspired by Poodle Skirts, 70's Wear and flippin' Overalls they came out well made, fashionable and wearable.

At least to a point.

Rami's dress was a little on the "milkmaid" side of things and Jillians wide leg overalls were a bit much but these looks could have easily walked off a sportwear runway and they were coheseive.

Which is more then can be said for the other three teams.

Someone did not get the memo.

Okay, I lied. This is very cohesive. But where is the pleather?! Where is the fringe??

Not that I think pleather or fringe is a good thing, it's just that; wasn't that a facet of the challenge?

The zoot suit (seriously?) is clearly represented, but in all honesty a pin stripe isn't so hard to factor in to recent fashion. Or to create a series of looks.

The outfits were cute but not nearly as challenge minded as Jillian's team.

The team worked well together though and Christian seemed to lead well.

About Christian:

Where's my chihuahua?!

Firstly, I keep typing "Christina". This isn't his fault. I'm a dyslexic typer apparently.

Something that is his fault:

The fact that he talks like Paris Hilton. If you listen to him, he says things that are just so Hilton-esque that it makes me a little vommy.

In fact, he actually said that something was "So hot" this episode.

There's nothing wrong with this, per se, but his tone is so Parisified that it makes me want to slap some originality into him.

This bitch is clearly talented but I think he's so young that he's grabbing at other people's individuality and forgetting his own. Get your shit together Christian. You're a talented little pockey gay, start acting like one.

Or don't. It is KINDA entertaining. And I sort of love you anyway.

I mean, I have no idea what's happening here, but I want in!

It appears that Little Christian and Kit have made a non-working (or is it?) Karaoke machine.

And they're using it.

And I want to play too.

Look at everyone all happy and cheery!

Why doesn't Bravo play these scenes? It's nice to catch a little glimpse of the designers having fun and not trying to shiv each other.

Project Idol?

Loves it!

What I don't love:

Neon, cutouts and visible underpinnings.

This sort of spelled disaster from the beginning.

That and you had Ricky McCryBaby as your leader. Victorya should have quit her bitching and taken over.

I'll cut you with my raised eyebrow.

The fit and proportions were weird, but so was the fabric choice.

That being said, this color scheme wasn't much better:

But the clothes were so PRETTY!!

The designs weren't bad. Maybe I'm just in denial.

I thought Sweet P's dress was totally adorable for one thing.

Stephen's was okay, and wearble but dancewear? Not so much.

Now, onto Chris.

Good lord, I'm going to miss this one.

I thought his dress was really beautiful. Simple, yes. But it fit well and was constructed well too.

However, the jacket wasn't so nice. I get that people didn't like the fabric and that the fit was weird, but his outdated trend was SHOULDER PADS! Shoulder pads make everything fit weird.

I hated that the judges kept saying it was wide. I kept yelling "Shoulder pads!" at my TV.

I am so sad faced at his auf'ing because he'd done beautiful work up until this point and this was Chris's first stumble. I was hoping that he'd last awhile and we could delve deeper into his creativity.

Ricky has been in the bottom before. Why does he keep getting chances? I know Kors just wants to make him cry. That fickle bitch.

Al....most.......there......

Chris was sacrificed and it sucks. I think Ricky was more deserving but alas, I'm not Donna Karan.

Thank god.

I know. I'm hilarious.

I think Chris would have benefited from combining those 80's fads into multiple garments a la Jillian's team, rather then separating them.

But again, they were using 80's fads. And that's never a good thing.

I'm waiting for the designers to start dwindling down. It gets more fun and recapping becomes easier. There's too much shit to talk about right now.

It's making me see shit that isn't there. Like Andrae Phillipawn.

Miraculously, it's Friday at 2:45 and I'm done, which means my recap will be on time. Hooray!

Until next week, I'd like to leave you with the cutest picture ever.

The designers are so orally fixated this season!

Sexy ;)

Enjoy your week everyone!!

Tackling Menswear - Project Runway, Season 4, Episode 3

So I missed week one's BPR recapapalooza by like an hour.

And I missed last week's recap completely. Stupid family holidays. And it was Sarah Jessica Freakin' Parker!! If I ever get a couple of free hours, I might recap it, but as it was for Bitten, it was more boring then it could have been.

Onto this week. We have another guest to design for! Imagine that =)

Today's guest is none other then Giants star running back and all around handsome man, Tiki Barber. He's also the new host of Good Morning America or something. As a football fan, I mostly know Tiki as a killer running back. Seeing him all buttoned up and reporting is tres weird.

Still handsome though.

As we all know, I'm a big football fan, most notably the Redskins and most notably, Chris Cooley. I'm not so fickle though as to not care for the rest of my team and I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute and remember one of my favorite players from the past few years. Sean Taylor was murdered last week at his home in Miami. On top of being a member of the Redskins, he was also an incredible player. As a tackle, he was one of the most feared in the NFL and as a young man, he was just beginning his life with his fiancee and daughter. It's a damn shame and incredibly sad and since there was football featured in the episode, I thought I'd take a quick moment to honor a man who was on his way to being one of the greats.

This is Project Runway though and one thing I never thought I'd see on Runway is anything football related. It just doesn't go. And a menswear challenge is sort of mean spirited but we'll get into that in a minute.

Two of my favorite things to watch on TV have collided! And while it wasn't quite as disasterous as expected, it was a smidge on the boring side.

Although hot male models were around in abundance, so I really can't complain that much.

Yeah, could we actually get menswear challenges more often? That'd be great.

If they stick with football players and got Chris Cooley on next time, I could die one happy bitch.

So male models and gay designers and female hormones must have made for one sexually tense workroom.

Oh, except for Kevin. Did you guys know that Kevin ISN'T gay?? I know, right. A male designer who is straight. It's like an endangered species or something.

Except for, you know, Jeffrey, and Michael, and Vincent, (although his crazy factor makes him almost non-human anyway) and Robert, and if you combined Daniel V and Santino you'd get most of one, and parts of Daniel Franco (wait, seriously?).

Newsflash Kevin, staight designers aren't THAT rare, but kudos to you for beating us over the head with it. Much appreciated. You're straight, we get it.

Although that left hand does look a bit swishy and your facial hair is sort of immaculate.

But seriously, all doubt of his straightitude was put to rest when they met Tiki Barber, and Kevin not only knew who he was and what team he played for, but he knew the position and that Tiki was one of the best. Congrats Kevin! You've passed the test. Or something.

But enough about you, you straight piece of man meat and purple shirt making fool.

Does biting my nails make me look more manly?

Let's move on to the gays! Most notably, Jack who won this challenge.

Turns out Jack is incredibly muscular. His design was a little "Eh, it's okay" boring, but I think he won because he's the only designer that actually looks like a football player.

He's built like a linebacker! You know Tiki was all, "Yeah I'd wear that, but put that dude in a helmet and some pads and lets run some drills!"

Ummmm. No.

Jack doesn't strike me as the football type.

Here's his design though. Again, eh, boring.

Yes it's well put together and OH MY GOD!! the pocket is a cross stripe. Whoopy freakin' do.

I didn't get the judges going all ga ga over this when more intricate and better designs were ushered off the runway and didn't even make top three.

This was Jillian's design. I thought the fit was immaculate, it is four FINISHED pieces and the use of a colorful print on the shirt was interesting and in line with what the client asked for. Granted, I probably wouldn't have gone floral, but oddly enough it works.

I'm developing a total designer crush on Jillian. Her first dress was really adorable and her pre-show runway pieces were incredible. I think she's been underrated so far by the judges.

Hellraiser 15: Unappreciated Fashionista

I'm excited to see how she'll fare for the rest of the season.

I'm also starting to find Elisa overtly interesting in the way she designs.

I have no idea what she's doing here but it works. While her look was a bit Newsies it was well constructed. She's sort of nutty but in a happy way.

The rest of the best were Kevin and Kit. I can't lie, both of these looks were really strong, and again I'm surprised that Jack beat them out.

This look was awesome and I'm surprised it didn't win. The colors would have been great with Tiki's skin tone and the look was really sharp with a cool twist.

I'm just shocked a straight male designer pulled this off, because you know Kevin's not gay. Okay, I'm stopping. Seriously.

Maybe it's straight descrimination? We'll never know.

Kit's look had some issues but the overall thought process was really great. I didn't love the yellowish tint to the pant fabric and the jacket was a bit ill fitting, but the idea of using fleece was brilliant. It's a more casual look yet still really polished and since Tiki has a difficult frame to fit, fleece was a really smart idea.

Kit's totally growing on me. Her Bitten look, while legging based was also a favorite of mine from last week.

Plus, she's sort of adorable.

She's like Alison 2.0 or something. But potentially more talented and edgier.

You know who else is totally adorable?

He's so soft spoken and sweet! And his designs have been rather strong so far. I mean, aside from Marion's disaster from last week.

He's like a softer, less teary version of Andrae.

AND he's helpful! If he goes out on some weird fluerchon corset making Challenge in week 8, I won't be happy.

The whole drama of "borrowing" patterns from pants already being worn was dumb. Tim was even asked and said that was fine. Menswear is a pain as we'll see in a moment from the bottom three. It's harder to execute and most designers are geared towards womenswear. This challenge was borderline evil, but it really was better then I thought it would be.

Now, for the crap.

Ricky:

Not THAT crappy. I'm pretty sure the judges slapped him in the bottom to make him cry again. He's a lingerie designer and he made three pieces of menswear! That's a pretty big accomplishment. Yes the fit was a bit off and there were pins, but it wasn't THAT bad.

Poor Ricky. He's totally their puppet now.

Sweet P:

This wasn't good. The collar was just a fucking mess. Sweet P seemed to know early on that she'd have trouble though and I can't lie, I admire her for sticking to it.

She wholly committed to fucking up royally and that's an okay thing.

I'm so fucked.

Like, I'm seriously fucked.

Damn, Sweet P is fucked.

You know you're totally fucked, right?

But, at least she made a shirt.

Oh, Carmen. Where did it all go so wrong?

The crotch on the pants was 50 kinds of awkward the jacket was lopsided and the hat was ugly.

Oh yeah, you didn't make a shirt either.

All of the other designers at least had the basics. Pants and a shirt. It wasn't always pretty, it was always complete, but it was there.

See, this REPRESENTS a shirt.

No. It doesn't.

It's a piece of fabric draped over his nipples. You would have been better off sending him shirtless.

At least then I could have ogled a bit more.

She was clearly overly confident and missed the mark completely. Oh well, I didn't see her going far anyway. I always feel like these first several episodes always get rid of the sacrificial lambs in most instances.

Except for Malan of course.

Two of these bitches are totally fucked.

So it's Tuesday the afternoon before episode four airs. I suck at blogging!

On that note, I'll leave you with Heidi-son and her new catch phrase:

Sayonara!