The Jungle Look -- Project Runway Season, Episode 5

Oh Emm Gee bitches, has it been a crazy couple of weeks!

We had family in town and I lost my job and I've been working part time retail and am so tired afterward that I'm deadskie and can hardly even watch the show.

Buuuut, I've managed. Emily is gone!! My girl crush is eliminated. Sad face. And Jennifer is gone, but whatevs, she was boring and her Holly Golightly exhibit look was pure boredom.

This weeks episode is upon us and Blanorexia says "dramalicious" in the first two minutes. This season's designers suck ballz in the personality department.

Alex is auf and she actually speaks! She wishes the designers luck, which like never happens. What happened to the whole models should be seen and not heard?

Heidi explains that the designers will be making an outfit for a high powered woman. Blayne says he hopes it's not Hilary Clinton because he'd never win if he made a neon pantsuit.

No.

Shit.

Blayne.

It turns out that Brooke Shields is our special guest! Sweet! Suddenly Susan was the jam back in the day.

Teams of two. Wonderful. Although this does cut back on the multiple outfits on the runway. Hooray for halfsies. The designers show their stuff and Brooke gets to picking.

Keith is first. Big mistake lady. This is supposed to be Lipstick Jungle, not Ruffle Shitstorm. I mean we all saw the TP Dress.

Korto is next whose asthetic I enjoy. I liked her winning outfit last week with the darted pants.

Jerrell is picked and I kind of LOVE him. I really liked his striking inspiration dress even though his Olympics mindset is questionable. He also wears black nail polish which makes me smile.

Kelly is picked and so is Terri. I'm loving on Terri lately. Her asthetic is so sporty compared to all these other cocktail dress loving hags. I dig her.

Blayne is picked last and I sort of want to grab some earplugs since I know there is going to be a bunch of licious crap happening.

Designers pick their pairs and the most awesome pairing is Jerrell and Leatherella. I'm excited for the quotables that might come from this. He was also super sweet by making it not suck that she was picked last.

Passive aggressive designer speak happens at Mood with Kenley "gently" suggesting that Keith listen to her and use this god awful hippie shit fabric. Passive aggressiveness is a huge pet peeve for me.

"Being passive aggressive and kind of snatchy is a great release for me."

Make it work time and the designers get into it right away. Kenley and Daniel are almost immediate in their distaste for their fellow designers visions. Shut up. Please. It's so annoying and just useless.

Suede is questioning Suede and Terri says possibly the most awesome thing ever. "I don't know what he's packing...balls or vajayjay. But he needs to work that out. I ain't got no babies, ain't nobody sucking on my *bleep* (I think she said titty) so please, man up."

Amazing. Honey, Suede is a gay man who speaks in third person with a slightly blue mohawk. Manning up only happens to him when he sees another man, man up. Was that too obvious? It made me giggle.

The models come in for an early fitting and Joe is all drooling over Korto's pumpkin jacket.

So I think it's cute that he's dating Wes and all, but Daniel is a total bitch. He's so "It's not my style, I don't care, I'm not doing it and..." fuck you, watch the show one time before trying out. He was so bitchy last week about his Olympic Airlines costume last week and this week he's being a bitch to Kelly about her look.

"I'm all about high end glamour. Oh, and being a total asshat."

He totally mis-made the skirt which should have been a cake walk and he couldn't be more disgusting about it. "I just didn't care, because it was her design." Nice, bitch.

Tim comes in for a critique and the bitchassness starts.

Uh-oh, Korto's jacket thingymabob looks like a sweet potato parka. The dress underneath is nice, but super simple. Joe comes out of left field that he doesn't like the parka thing and he totally seems like an under the bus thrower. Watch your back JHud.

Joe's all, "I was just trying to make a gentle suggestion, and she flipped her shit." A 180 degree opinion change is not what I would call gentle.

Things seem to be going well for Jerrell and Stella. I was so hoping there would be hilariousness between them but they are working so harmoniously together.

It's like they are one person. Jereather?

It's the day of the runway show and all the designers are poo pooing each other's work. Specifically Kenley is questioning where Daniel's impeccable taste is. And no lie, so am I.

Hair, makeup, five minutes until the show...

"And some of you are still sewing? Question Mark?" I fucking want to marry Tim Gunn.

Let's start the show!

If you like me, check this box...

First we have Korto and Joe with their submission.

I must say that this jacket looks a shit ton better then it did on day one. They edited it well and while it still looks a bit like a halloween snow jacket, I dig it.

Korto and Joe were safe as were Terri and Suede. I thought Terri's look was great, but it was a bit young for the assignment.

And here's Kelly and Daniel's design. Orangina sums it up beautifully. "Slutty, slutty, slutty"

Kelly picks Daniel to go home since this is total shit and Daniel starts rattling off about his impeccable taste and high end glamour and womp, womp, womp. That's when Kenley loses her shit on the runway and it's SO uncomfortable.

Daniel is starting at her all intense and greasy and she's sort of a total bitch.

"You're going to club her in the knees, aren't you?"

My fave team this week is next and hello Jerrell, way to work it out, girl! Granted, his submission is majorly different then his drawing but it's put together well, the fabrics work gorgeously and it looks age and character appropriate.

Keith and Kenley are next and this isn't ba at all. I think that the idea is beautiful. The shirt was incredible interesting and came out so nice. The trick with the sleeves was neat and showed how Keith really paid attention to the challenge.

Here is the design for Blayne and Leanne. I don't think it's right for the challenge, but I know I'm in the minority in that I really like the actual design. I thought it was fresh looking albeit too casual. There are major fit problems going on in the crotchal region that made poor Polina look like she was packing heat, but the colors were great.

I also really liked that Blayne didn't throw Leanne under the bus since she was a good partner and it was his design. The judges call him bratty, which I get, but I found that to be a very mature move on his part, which has failed many others in the past.

So Keith wins it and I really felt that Jerrell was robbed. I personally liked his design better and thought that they were both suitable for the challenge, but Jerrell's was more of a risk and just better looking.

Kelly and Blayne are the last two standing and I knew Kelly was toast. She was good the first week but average from that point forward. Blayne had a better and less trashy design as well.

I thought Daniel should have been considered more for the auf'ing due to his shit attitude and crappy submissions each week, but I think Kelly deserved it even though I liked her. It was a cheap looking outfit which is never a good thing.

Next week there are drag queens! Excellent!

And on a finaly note. What in hobo hell was Jerrell wearing this episode? Or any episode for that matter?

For real, he looks like Little Orphan Tranny.