Designers of the Round Table...cloth - Project Runway, Season 5

Well, well, well...we're back I see. And so quickly! While the wait between Season's 3 & 4 seemed endless, this was has been (obviously) rushed.

No matter, since it's my favorite show. I can't complain too much, except that Bravo is seriously trying to ruin the franchise before the big jump to Lifetime (really? Lifetime? I at least hope that one of the challenges involve the designers making an outfit for a pregnant/raped/kidnapped Tori Spelling/Candace Cameron/Jennifer Love Whatever for her upcoming role in the Lifetime Original Movie, Not Without my Recycled Storyline - The Story of Washed-Up Actresses).

I am avoiding the spoilers just out of principal. You will not ruin this for me, bitches!

Let's move on to the task at hand. I'm back! My job is in it's slow season and I think I can sneak a couple hours away each week, during work, to start recapping again. Chicka-chicka-yeah.

This time around, we're back to 16 designers. That's a lot of people to meet and they all come in to the Gotham apartments, while the screen shows off their respective portfolios.

Most notable for me are Leanne, because I thought her portfolio was really gorgeous; Keith, cuz he's hot as balls; and Suede because his name is dumb. Oh, and Korto because I think she looks like Jennifer Hudson. I got confused and half expected Paula to show up and tell Heidi that she enjoyed the unicorns flying out of her ass or something.

We also find out that Blayne is a tanorexic.

I sincerely hope that isn't bronzer.

Oh, honey, why?

I also figure out that someone, somewhere has made American Flag leggings. Aaaand, Stella is wearing them. Everyone is giving her the Cher edit, but I'm getting a distinct Illeana Douglas vibe from her. A goth, American Flag Leggings wearing vibe, but nonetheless.

Leggings? Leather? Ugly is as leather boy shorts does, I guess.

Heidi and Tim invite the crazies up to the roof and Tim likely breaks a windshield via champagne cork. They do the requisite meet 'n greet party, but as far as I know there were no walk-off's.

I'm rather sure Blayne set-up a lawnchair for melanoma reasons, though.

Let's get to the challenge, shall we?

The designers are going on a field trip (I feel like I've been here before). Tim leads them through New York only to end up at Gristedes. Wait a second, we HAVE been here before! Tim says there's a special guest joining them, and before she even pops on screen, I know it's got to be Princess Austin!

Scarlett O'Homo

I literally lost my shit and turned to my mom and said "He looks beeeaaauuutiiifuuul!" while clapping like a seal. I am so easily pleased. But, on the real, I think Austin is my most favorite designer, from all seasons of Project Runway. I loved his designs on the show and am so pleased that he's made a name for himself in the business with his opportunity.

I did notice that he was not wearing lipgloss though, and that sort of made me sad.

The producers have finally run out of new ideas and are reverting back to Season 1's premiere challenge: The Supermarket Challenge!

As you all know, the designer's each get $75 and 30 minutes to ransack Gristedes for materials to create an innovative look out of everyday items.

Keith, come show us which way the beach is...

In Season 1, this challenge was so much fun and really showcased how the designers can think outside the box. Interesting items purchased: bouncy balls, Solo cups, vacuum cleaner bags and mops.

Back at Parsons, the designers begin to transform their grocery items into fashion and the results start off super iffy.

Stilleana bought trash bags to use for her design, and upon opening the packaging discovers that they are not good trash bags. Okay, rock star, what did you expect? When your design revolves around trash bags the quality of the bag becomes a moot point. Whether it's a great trash bag or a dollar store one, it's still a trash bag.

She starts bemoaning the dollar store quality trash bags and doesn't think she'll be able to do anything with it. If only trash bags came in American Flag print.

Tanorexia starts fitting and pinning his dress form with drawer liners and actually calls them, I shit you not, "girlicious".
Ummmmmmm...yeeeaaaahh.

I hope Nicole Sherzinger likes place mats.

Jerrell has a similar response to mine and finds it heinously annoying.

But Tano keeps saying it and I wonder if he really wants his attempt at a catchphrase to remind everyone of the Pussycat Dolls. I never watched this trash, but since I'm an avid Top Model fan I used to see commercials for Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious constantly. Given that this project was the brainchild of PCD founder Robin Antin, I am officially dubbing Blayne: Roblayne Tantin.

It's obvious that he's desperately trying to capitalize on the success of Christian's feircetrannymess bit from last season, but it's seriously not working for me right now.

Murmurings are made throughout the workroom that a lot of people picked similar items with their use of table cloths.

Uh-oh, table cloths are basically muslin but with a picnic pattern on them. And since muslin = fabric, and this challenge is about being innovative with strange materials, the majority of the designers get an ass ripping from Tim during his first go-round.

Oh, snap. You bitches better run.

Tim straight up calls them 'slackers', and he's totally spot on. Ugly table fabric is not innovative, it's just ugly. And Tim looks super peeved.

He meets with Kelli, who's had a flash of brilliance by dying vacuum cleaner bags. The paper really looks like high end painted fabric and is starting to come together nicely.

Tim also check in on Stella and she hasn't done much aside from opening the package of trash bags and staring at it for a few hours. Whatever, I'm already over her.

He also checks in with Jerry who is making some batshit crazy April Showers, Bring May Fugliness outfit. He's trying to create a raincoat out of shower curtains and it's turning out very strange looking. Tim thinks he needs something else with it and Jerry agrees.

And I might be crazy, but the second I saw Jerry, I thought he looked like Bobby Lee from MadTV.

Yes? No? Does it matter?

And on the subject of people looking like...people... This picture of Emily at Gristedes, is giving me a major Juliette Lewis vibes.

I imagine it's the oddly placed headband, but since I sort of have a secret girl crush on Juliette Lewis, I'm going to let it slide.

While Tim is in the workroom, he stops at Roblayne's station and asks him what the fug he's making. Tano says it's an outfit that won't bore the judges, and Tim agrees.

When Tim goes to leave, Roblayne tells him to "Holla at ya boy!"

Really?

I didn't want to do this, but you've left me no choice. You want girlicious?

Here.

Strangely enough, he fits in. I think it's the skin tone. All he needs is a bad weave and ugly boots.

There are some things you just don't say to Tim Gunn.

This thing is getting long with me talking about absolutely nothing, so lets jump to the runway portion.

The designers are all assigned models, and I must say, it's a pretty homely bunch this go 'round. Is Bravo trying to make this season total shit?

Everyone struts their designs out on the runway, and it's clear who the top and bottom folks are, although there are a couple I disagree with.

For starters, there were two I liked a lot that I think were near the top of the group, but not quite top 3 quality.

This dress was Jennifer's, she of the librarian looks, and was made out of paper towels. It's a rather simple shape, but using paper towels was a great move. It really came out looking like fabric which was nice. I also enjoyed the touch of random lipstick kisses. Plus, the styling was great.

This outfit was Terri's, and while the bottom part was ugly and unimaginitive, I really liked that mop halter. I really responded well to those designers who thought outside of the box, insted of just gluing shit to a table cloth and calling it innovation.

The top three I did agree with and the innovation they used was genius.

While Korto used a table cloth, the silhouette came out beautiful and the color really worked on her model, which was fortunate. I also thought that this was the most beautifully tailored piece out of all of them.

And the detailing around the neck was flawless.

Daniel used plastic beer pong cups (at least that's what they are to me) to make a cocktail dress. He heated and molded the plastic around a muslin shell and it came out really cool.

It's a little bit armor-like and it makes me want to play flip cup, but I thought the idea was smart and really original.

The winner was Kelli who really went for broke in her usage of everyday materials to create her look.

I kind of hated the fit on the boobs, but that's a small complaint because the rest was gorgeous. She made her own hooks and eyes out of notebook binding! Awesome. And a totally deserved win.

But enough niceness, lets move on to the shit.

And shit it was.

I'll start with Roblayne, but only because I didn't think his was THAT bad.

Don't get me wrong, it looked like shit and Little Miss Muffett wasn't making it any better with his ego about it. My argument against it being in the bottom three was how much better it enveloped the idea of the challenge then some of the other pieces.

For example, Suede's dress was ugly and easy. He sewed a piece of shit dress out of an ugly table cloth and glued doggie doo bags all over it.

I'm just thinking that the judges should have thought more about difficulty then beauty.

Speaking of easy and ugly.

Trash. Hag.

I'm not going to give this much time, because she gave up and that shit pisses me off.

Alas, Bobby Lee was the one who got the boot. And boy, did he deserve it!

The serial killer references have been made, I know. But, on the real, she looked like Ryan Gosling in Murder By Numbers with that get-up.

And, while I love me some Ryan Gosling, this was not okay. On top of being wholly creepy, it was poorly made and unimaginitive. Plus, the dress underneath was total shit.

So we have one down and fifteen to go and I'm happy to be back to blogging. I'll also be chronically my (hopeful) weight loss as I've rejoined Weight Watchers to get rid of my juicy parts =)

See you all next week!