Product. Placement. Project Runway, Season 5, Episode 7

Oh my goodness kids, I am so sad I didn't get a full blog post in for the DRAG QUEEN episode!

I feel terrible but my schedule has been, to quote Suede, whackadoodle lately.

I would like to touch on last week's episode a little bit. Thank GOD Daniel is gone. How annoying can one smarmy, greasy little design boy be? At least he wasn't talking about his "impeccable" taste a whole lot.

I've noticed that there are so many bitchy little designers this season. Not like fun bitchy, like past seasons, but whiny, passive aggressive bitchy. Get overself, if you aren't established enough in the industry to have to be on this show, then your shit still smells.

Congrats to Joe though! Who knew token straight guy would pull it off? Korto's was gorgeous and Terri's was super striking, but Joe really hit the nail on the head with his sailor outfit.

Alright enough about the queens. Let's move on to this week's show!

We open on Kenley saying that Daniel was her bff on the show. I had already lumped her in the whiny bitchy designer category so this makes sense.

Hey guys, did you know that Heidi has a part time gig as a referee?

For this week's challenge, she sends them on a trip to the rooftop of some building and Blanorexic thinks they might be designing for some superstar while Korto think's they're going to Mariah Carey's penthouse. These people have clearly never watched this show.

Kenley is "scaaaareed!!" Shut up.

They get to the top and it's all very Oprah, "You won a car!!"

You won a pile of crap!

Obviously that's not it. Each of the four cars is stocked with materials made to construct Saturn cars. Oh yeah, did you all know Saturn is a sponsor for this show?

The itsy Saturn man calls for them to "Go!" and I half expected him to tell them to "Go shake it!" Rene Fris makes me giggle.

It looks like everyone goes running for the same car, except Jerrell who seems to have enough sense to go in the other direction.

They look like the homeless ladies on the corner near my old job.

My god, Suede is talking in first person. Unfortunately he just said whackadoodle. Wonderful.

Everyone gets to work and RatTail interviews that he wants to tone down his garment to please the "****ing judges". You don't want to please them, you want to impress them. And quit being a douche. And cut your hair.

Suede says whackadoodle again. He's back to talk in third person. Someone shoot me.

Great now he's talking about his dead father which makes me sad. Is he going to have a new dead relative for each challenge? Just saying.

You guys, my hands are like the perfect shade of tan.

Tim sends in the models for a fitting and he tells Kenley that her model had to drop out and they are replacing her with Germaine. So she naturally overreacts completely and whines like a total twit.

Jerrell said she probably booked a job that was paying her money and I laugh like a total moron because I thought he said she booked some GUY that was paying her money. Hehe.

Kenley's all well it's all about me right now. When is it not, honey?

Where's Mariah when you need her?

Alright we need to jump ahead because I have to go to the grocery store. Oh wait, Keith is a total bitch and everyone hates him. I think it's the rat tail.

Runway time! The models all do their walks and I must say that everyone did a relatively decent job this episode. It's hard to identify that these are car parts so good on you designers!

Laura Bennett is sitting in for Miss Nina and thank god it isn't Anne "Too much tootie" Slowey. Rachel Zoe is also there and her face should be a good wake up call for Blayne to quit tanning so damn much.

The judges start with Jerrell:

His garment came out quite good. The details are really interesting and he stuck with his futuristic vibe and really made it work. I have no idea how they did that to her hair, but it looks cool as hell. Good job Hobo Chic!

Blayne is next and HELLO fit problems!

It's not ALL bad. The bust doesn't fit, but that could have been fixed with some darting. I also think it's too long and would have looked better at knee length. The judges give him all kinds of shit and he's obvi in the bottom three.

Korto also used seatbelts like Blayne and hers was much more successful.

I was surprised more people didn't use this weaving technique. It ended up really working well for Korto and this piece came out really beautiful. It's chic and well made and looks expensive.

Leanne was another favorite and for good reason.

Her design was amazing. You would never know that those are car parts and it's SO well tailored and well made. It takes a great designer who can make massive hips look sexy and purposeful.

I liked Stella's a lot more when it walked down the runway. I thought the skirt moved well but then we got to the close-ups.

The construction was really poor on this thing. The skirt was gaping in spots and the fit in the top was awful. I liked the idea of it and I appreciated her stepping out of her comfort zone, but this was a big miss.

Fortunately for Stella, Keith crashed, burned and bitched.

On top of being badly made and poorly fitted this was SO boring. I get that he was trying to show restraint or whatever, but come on. This was terrible looking. And do not get me started on the back of this thing. It was awful looking and shittily made. He also talked back to Laura. Her "Excuse me?" with that tight little smile makes her a fun bitch.

Keith is all emotional because he doesn't like criticism. Newsflash Muscles, your in the fashion design industry. People are not going to hold your hand and tell you everything is gorgeous. Blodd, sweat and tears go into making your vision come to life and the public does not always respond well. If you don't know that now, then you are in the wrong line of work.

Leanne is the big winner this week and she and Korto are total front runner's for me right now. They are both showing really strong designs and I'm so impressed with them.

Needless to say, Keith is out and I am only going to miss the hotness factor. He was super mediocre and had such an attitude. He starts crying and I feel bad for two seconds. But whatever, we're weeding out the bad seeds. I'm excited to see who will make it to Bryant Park because we do have some strong talent left.

Alright, I'm of to the grocery store so I can cook up a storm! Have a good week everyone!

Auf Wiedersehn ;)

The Jungle Look -- Project Runway Season, Episode 5

Oh Emm Gee bitches, has it been a crazy couple of weeks!

We had family in town and I lost my job and I've been working part time retail and am so tired afterward that I'm deadskie and can hardly even watch the show.

Buuuut, I've managed. Emily is gone!! My girl crush is eliminated. Sad face. And Jennifer is gone, but whatevs, she was boring and her Holly Golightly exhibit look was pure boredom.

This weeks episode is upon us and Blanorexia says "dramalicious" in the first two minutes. This season's designers suck ballz in the personality department.

Alex is auf and she actually speaks! She wishes the designers luck, which like never happens. What happened to the whole models should be seen and not heard?

Heidi explains that the designers will be making an outfit for a high powered woman. Blayne says he hopes it's not Hilary Clinton because he'd never win if he made a neon pantsuit.

No.

Shit.

Blayne.

It turns out that Brooke Shields is our special guest! Sweet! Suddenly Susan was the jam back in the day.

Teams of two. Wonderful. Although this does cut back on the multiple outfits on the runway. Hooray for halfsies. The designers show their stuff and Brooke gets to picking.

Keith is first. Big mistake lady. This is supposed to be Lipstick Jungle, not Ruffle Shitstorm. I mean we all saw the TP Dress.

Korto is next whose asthetic I enjoy. I liked her winning outfit last week with the darted pants.

Jerrell is picked and I kind of LOVE him. I really liked his striking inspiration dress even though his Olympics mindset is questionable. He also wears black nail polish which makes me smile.

Kelly is picked and so is Terri. I'm loving on Terri lately. Her asthetic is so sporty compared to all these other cocktail dress loving hags. I dig her.

Blayne is picked last and I sort of want to grab some earplugs since I know there is going to be a bunch of licious crap happening.

Designers pick their pairs and the most awesome pairing is Jerrell and Leatherella. I'm excited for the quotables that might come from this. He was also super sweet by making it not suck that she was picked last.

Passive aggressive designer speak happens at Mood with Kenley "gently" suggesting that Keith listen to her and use this god awful hippie shit fabric. Passive aggressiveness is a huge pet peeve for me.

"Being passive aggressive and kind of snatchy is a great release for me."

Make it work time and the designers get into it right away. Kenley and Daniel are almost immediate in their distaste for their fellow designers visions. Shut up. Please. It's so annoying and just useless.

Suede is questioning Suede and Terri says possibly the most awesome thing ever. "I don't know what he's packing...balls or vajayjay. But he needs to work that out. I ain't got no babies, ain't nobody sucking on my *bleep* (I think she said titty) so please, man up."

Amazing. Honey, Suede is a gay man who speaks in third person with a slightly blue mohawk. Manning up only happens to him when he sees another man, man up. Was that too obvious? It made me giggle.

The models come in for an early fitting and Joe is all drooling over Korto's pumpkin jacket.

So I think it's cute that he's dating Wes and all, but Daniel is a total bitch. He's so "It's not my style, I don't care, I'm not doing it and..." fuck you, watch the show one time before trying out. He was so bitchy last week about his Olympic Airlines costume last week and this week he's being a bitch to Kelly about her look.

"I'm all about high end glamour. Oh, and being a total asshat."

He totally mis-made the skirt which should have been a cake walk and he couldn't be more disgusting about it. "I just didn't care, because it was her design." Nice, bitch.

Tim comes in for a critique and the bitchassness starts.

Uh-oh, Korto's jacket thingymabob looks like a sweet potato parka. The dress underneath is nice, but super simple. Joe comes out of left field that he doesn't like the parka thing and he totally seems like an under the bus thrower. Watch your back JHud.

Joe's all, "I was just trying to make a gentle suggestion, and she flipped her shit." A 180 degree opinion change is not what I would call gentle.

Things seem to be going well for Jerrell and Stella. I was so hoping there would be hilariousness between them but they are working so harmoniously together.

It's like they are one person. Jereather?

It's the day of the runway show and all the designers are poo pooing each other's work. Specifically Kenley is questioning where Daniel's impeccable taste is. And no lie, so am I.

Hair, makeup, five minutes until the show...

"And some of you are still sewing? Question Mark?" I fucking want to marry Tim Gunn.

Let's start the show!

If you like me, check this box...

First we have Korto and Joe with their submission.

I must say that this jacket looks a shit ton better then it did on day one. They edited it well and while it still looks a bit like a halloween snow jacket, I dig it.

Korto and Joe were safe as were Terri and Suede. I thought Terri's look was great, but it was a bit young for the assignment.

And here's Kelly and Daniel's design. Orangina sums it up beautifully. "Slutty, slutty, slutty"

Kelly picks Daniel to go home since this is total shit and Daniel starts rattling off about his impeccable taste and high end glamour and womp, womp, womp. That's when Kenley loses her shit on the runway and it's SO uncomfortable.

Daniel is starting at her all intense and greasy and she's sort of a total bitch.

"You're going to club her in the knees, aren't you?"

My fave team this week is next and hello Jerrell, way to work it out, girl! Granted, his submission is majorly different then his drawing but it's put together well, the fabrics work gorgeously and it looks age and character appropriate.

Keith and Kenley are next and this isn't ba at all. I think that the idea is beautiful. The shirt was incredible interesting and came out so nice. The trick with the sleeves was neat and showed how Keith really paid attention to the challenge.

Here is the design for Blayne and Leanne. I don't think it's right for the challenge, but I know I'm in the minority in that I really like the actual design. I thought it was fresh looking albeit too casual. There are major fit problems going on in the crotchal region that made poor Polina look like she was packing heat, but the colors were great.

I also really liked that Blayne didn't throw Leanne under the bus since she was a good partner and it was his design. The judges call him bratty, which I get, but I found that to be a very mature move on his part, which has failed many others in the past.

So Keith wins it and I really felt that Jerrell was robbed. I personally liked his design better and thought that they were both suitable for the challenge, but Jerrell's was more of a risk and just better looking.

Kelly and Blayne are the last two standing and I knew Kelly was toast. She was good the first week but average from that point forward. Blayne had a better and less trashy design as well.

I thought Daniel should have been considered more for the auf'ing due to his shit attitude and crappy submissions each week, but I think Kelly deserved it even though I liked her. It was a cheap looking outfit which is never a good thing.

Next week there are drag queens! Excellent!

And on a finaly note. What in hobo hell was Jerrell wearing this episode? Or any episode for that matter?

For real, he looks like Little Orphan Tranny.