Tackling Menswear - Project Runway, Season 4, Episode 3

So I missed week one's BPR recapapalooza by like an hour.

And I missed last week's recap completely. Stupid family holidays. And it was Sarah Jessica Freakin' Parker!! If I ever get a couple of free hours, I might recap it, but as it was for Bitten, it was more boring then it could have been.

Onto this week. We have another guest to design for! Imagine that =)

Today's guest is none other then Giants star running back and all around handsome man, Tiki Barber. He's also the new host of Good Morning America or something. As a football fan, I mostly know Tiki as a killer running back. Seeing him all buttoned up and reporting is tres weird.

Still handsome though.

As we all know, I'm a big football fan, most notably the Redskins and most notably, Chris Cooley. I'm not so fickle though as to not care for the rest of my team and I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute and remember one of my favorite players from the past few years. Sean Taylor was murdered last week at his home in Miami. On top of being a member of the Redskins, he was also an incredible player. As a tackle, he was one of the most feared in the NFL and as a young man, he was just beginning his life with his fiancee and daughter. It's a damn shame and incredibly sad and since there was football featured in the episode, I thought I'd take a quick moment to honor a man who was on his way to being one of the greats.

This is Project Runway though and one thing I never thought I'd see on Runway is anything football related. It just doesn't go. And a menswear challenge is sort of mean spirited but we'll get into that in a minute.

Two of my favorite things to watch on TV have collided! And while it wasn't quite as disasterous as expected, it was a smidge on the boring side.

Although hot male models were around in abundance, so I really can't complain that much.

Yeah, could we actually get menswear challenges more often? That'd be great.

If they stick with football players and got Chris Cooley on next time, I could die one happy bitch.

So male models and gay designers and female hormones must have made for one sexually tense workroom.

Oh, except for Kevin. Did you guys know that Kevin ISN'T gay?? I know, right. A male designer who is straight. It's like an endangered species or something.

Except for, you know, Jeffrey, and Michael, and Vincent, (although his crazy factor makes him almost non-human anyway) and Robert, and if you combined Daniel V and Santino you'd get most of one, and parts of Daniel Franco (wait, seriously?).

Newsflash Kevin, staight designers aren't THAT rare, but kudos to you for beating us over the head with it. Much appreciated. You're straight, we get it.

Although that left hand does look a bit swishy and your facial hair is sort of immaculate.

But seriously, all doubt of his straightitude was put to rest when they met Tiki Barber, and Kevin not only knew who he was and what team he played for, but he knew the position and that Tiki was one of the best. Congrats Kevin! You've passed the test. Or something.

But enough about you, you straight piece of man meat and purple shirt making fool.

Does biting my nails make me look more manly?

Let's move on to the gays! Most notably, Jack who won this challenge.

Turns out Jack is incredibly muscular. His design was a little "Eh, it's okay" boring, but I think he won because he's the only designer that actually looks like a football player.

He's built like a linebacker! You know Tiki was all, "Yeah I'd wear that, but put that dude in a helmet and some pads and lets run some drills!"

Ummmm. No.

Jack doesn't strike me as the football type.

Here's his design though. Again, eh, boring.

Yes it's well put together and OH MY GOD!! the pocket is a cross stripe. Whoopy freakin' do.

I didn't get the judges going all ga ga over this when more intricate and better designs were ushered off the runway and didn't even make top three.

This was Jillian's design. I thought the fit was immaculate, it is four FINISHED pieces and the use of a colorful print on the shirt was interesting and in line with what the client asked for. Granted, I probably wouldn't have gone floral, but oddly enough it works.

I'm developing a total designer crush on Jillian. Her first dress was really adorable and her pre-show runway pieces were incredible. I think she's been underrated so far by the judges.

Hellraiser 15: Unappreciated Fashionista

I'm excited to see how she'll fare for the rest of the season.

I'm also starting to find Elisa overtly interesting in the way she designs.

I have no idea what she's doing here but it works. While her look was a bit Newsies it was well constructed. She's sort of nutty but in a happy way.

The rest of the best were Kevin and Kit. I can't lie, both of these looks were really strong, and again I'm surprised that Jack beat them out.

This look was awesome and I'm surprised it didn't win. The colors would have been great with Tiki's skin tone and the look was really sharp with a cool twist.

I'm just shocked a straight male designer pulled this off, because you know Kevin's not gay. Okay, I'm stopping. Seriously.

Maybe it's straight descrimination? We'll never know.

Kit's look had some issues but the overall thought process was really great. I didn't love the yellowish tint to the pant fabric and the jacket was a bit ill fitting, but the idea of using fleece was brilliant. It's a more casual look yet still really polished and since Tiki has a difficult frame to fit, fleece was a really smart idea.

Kit's totally growing on me. Her Bitten look, while legging based was also a favorite of mine from last week.

Plus, she's sort of adorable.

She's like Alison 2.0 or something. But potentially more talented and edgier.

You know who else is totally adorable?

He's so soft spoken and sweet! And his designs have been rather strong so far. I mean, aside from Marion's disaster from last week.

He's like a softer, less teary version of Andrae.

AND he's helpful! If he goes out on some weird fluerchon corset making Challenge in week 8, I won't be happy.

The whole drama of "borrowing" patterns from pants already being worn was dumb. Tim was even asked and said that was fine. Menswear is a pain as we'll see in a moment from the bottom three. It's harder to execute and most designers are geared towards womenswear. This challenge was borderline evil, but it really was better then I thought it would be.

Now, for the crap.

Ricky:

Not THAT crappy. I'm pretty sure the judges slapped him in the bottom to make him cry again. He's a lingerie designer and he made three pieces of menswear! That's a pretty big accomplishment. Yes the fit was a bit off and there were pins, but it wasn't THAT bad.

Poor Ricky. He's totally their puppet now.

Sweet P:

This wasn't good. The collar was just a fucking mess. Sweet P seemed to know early on that she'd have trouble though and I can't lie, I admire her for sticking to it.

She wholly committed to fucking up royally and that's an okay thing.

I'm so fucked.

Like, I'm seriously fucked.

Damn, Sweet P is fucked.

You know you're totally fucked, right?

But, at least she made a shirt.

Oh, Carmen. Where did it all go so wrong?

The crotch on the pants was 50 kinds of awkward the jacket was lopsided and the hat was ugly.

Oh yeah, you didn't make a shirt either.

All of the other designers at least had the basics. Pants and a shirt. It wasn't always pretty, it was always complete, but it was there.

See, this REPRESENTS a shirt.

No. It doesn't.

It's a piece of fabric draped over his nipples. You would have been better off sending him shirtless.

At least then I could have ogled a bit more.

She was clearly overly confident and missed the mark completely. Oh well, I didn't see her going far anyway. I always feel like these first several episodes always get rid of the sacrificial lambs in most instances.

Except for Malan of course.

Two of these bitches are totally fucked.

So it's Tuesday the afternoon before episode four airs. I suck at blogging!

On that note, I'll leave you with Heidi-son and her new catch phrase:

Sayonara!

Are You Ready to Runway - Project Runway Season 4, Episode 1

Aaaaaand, we're back!

It's been ages since I've blogged, so forgive me what few readers I maintain. I've had nothing to blog about as I live an exceedingly boring life and live vicariously through aspiring fashion designers.

When we last left the Runway, Jeffrey won the whole thing with a pretty rockin' Bryant Park collection, Laura Bennett became my hero and Heidi Klum had 3000 more babies.

But it's time for season 4 and you know what that means!! Pre-judging on all accounts. What fun!

I have seen the photos of the pre-runway Runway show, and so I developed biases and opinions. Imagine that!!

So far I'm loving on Jillian, Chris, Christian, Jack, Sweet P and Rami.

After the first episode, not much has changed.

The formula is the same, with a few noteable changes. Bluefly and Gotham being the main ones. That and Tim's title is different. But this all matters naught, because Tim is BACK!

Lordy, I was going through withdrawal.

The world makes sense all of a sudden! Tim Gunn is my drug and you bitches can make me go to rehab.

Now that that's over, we have introductions and people meeting and blah blah blah. Let's get down to the goods, shall we?

The designers meet Tim and Heidi at Bryant Park and are forced to Amazing Race it across a big field to a tent of $50K worth of fabric.

I love that Sweet P took her shoes off. A girl after my own heart. I can't tear apart expensive fabric in heels. Nor would I do it in leggings, but that's a whole other story.

So poor Chris March almost has a heart attack, because newsflash: He's a bit chubbly. Fortunately he claims to have gotten the fabric he would have wanted. He's either lucky or lying. I like him already.

Hilariously, there is only one fabric not chosen. These designing bitches tear apart the tent fabric but leave this poor dead animal:

It's all very "The Cheese Stands Alone".

But for reals, it's ugly.

Maybe Kit Pistol could have used it for a pillow?

It looks softer then that bag. And Kit Pistol? Seriously? I dig a girl with a point of view and all, but come on.

So the designers are to make a design that expresses their vision or some such thing. Basically you have free reign with this fabric to do what you want. Sort of similar to season two but with good fabric instead of crap muslin.

Interestingly, to me at least, I imagine each piece in muslin just to assess the design more then how the fabric was working with the design. Opinions on that later though.

We're back in the workroom, making it work and carrying on and Rami has a beautiful body...

Disagree with me, I dare you.

The designers work and bitch and bitch and work and Christian says he's "kind of a big deal."

I'd hate to break it to you darling, but you're "kind of" a few years too late to still be saying that.

Tim mentions the Blue Fly wall being at the designers disposal and I can't lie, it's the best accessories wall they've had. I love Blue Fly.

Wants it! All of it!

In the mean time, Elisa is a total nutbag and I love her. She's already been pegged Earth Mother by fans and it's quite suitable. She's all "I love tea and grass and the world and air and teal scrunch boots." I like her already.

Turns out she's quite talented as well, but the whole marionette thing scares the shit out of me. Thankfully there are no pictures, otherwise I'd be hiding under my bed right now.

In the workroom, there is a lot of editing toward Simone and Elisa, so you already know they're going to eff up royally. Whatevs. Tell me how to think Bravo. It makes my life easier.

Speaking of the workroom, I notice that Ricky has an affinity for hats.

Well, that's not good.

It gets slightly worse though, as the designer head to the runway, Ricky's changed his hat.

Oh.

No.

You are aware that you are essentially wearing a train conducter's hat, right Ricky?

See the similiarities?

True story. Ricky has always dreamed of being a train conducter. This whole lingerie fashion thing is a total side gig for his real ambitions.

Well, Ricky, now your dream has come true!

He looks so blissful!

But, back to the fashion at hand.

I barely remember what Ricky sent on the runway as I've seen it before at Vicky' Secret. Pretty, but boring. He was in the bottom three, but thankfully he's safe!

I want to keep making fun of his hats =)

In other news, it seems that to relieve runway stress the designers perform cheerleading routines.

Hop on Christian!! We'll totally basket toss you!!!

I guess it turns out the designers were actually doing yoga or something.

But since the producers didn't show us these clips but posted the pics on Bravo's website, I'm just going to keep making shit up.

That being said, I like Sweet P's dress a lot. That is all. I will wait here for MY basket toss.

Somewhere, I'll recap the fashion. Let's do it now!

What I liked:

Rami. His dress was draped beautifully and it won. Draping ain't easy folks. I must say that I definitely agree with those who thought it was very Grecian and toga like.

She looks very at home, no?

It was a beautiful dress, but I'm not so sure it should have won.

I much preferred Christian's look. It was incredibly intricate and fashion forward.

A lot of folks didn't like the fabrics he used, but this takes me back to seeing everything in muslin. I, personally, liked the plaid and thought it was very chic, but if you saw this look in muslin it would still be stylish, and well constructed. I also thought it was the most interesting look on the runway. Trendy, but original.

Christian also looks a lot like my main gay's boyfriend. Maybe that's why I like him so much.

Anycrap, I also thought Jillian's look was very strong.

Fun and flirty and the color was wonderful. Plus, the shoes were hot as hell.

Jack's was great as well.

When he was first talking about the blue, black and white together and I thought of my high school mascot (those were our colors). But it came out so wearable and adorable. Love it.

Seeing the runway, Chris March's dress made the biggest impact for me. The way his fabric caught the light and shimmered was absolutely breathtaking. It was my initial favorite.

I went back to the whole muslin thing though. If this were in a less beautiful fabric it may not have gone over so well. It's still constructed masterfully and the detailing it wonderful.

Is that a giant fleurchon?!

I take back everything!

Just kidding! The design was great, but I do think Christian's was more innovative.

So I've gone over the good. And I'm about to do the bad. But I'd like to go over the hilarious first.

Steven's outfit was incredible in construction and detailing, but I couldn't help but get an overwhelming flight attendant vibe from it.

I was going to photoshop his model in front of a plane or something, but then I found the best picture ever.

Okay, so I know that the whole "real doll" thing is so hot right now, but this is a little ridiculous!

Did Steven happen to go to the Robert Best School of Designing for Barbie?

The bad. Naturally, it consists of Simone and Elisa.

Earth Mother is seriously talented. Her dress was cut on one seam! And I can't lie, the top was alright.

But girl! I have two words for you. Ed. It.

Plus those boots are fug. This is a total scrolldown for hideous fashion. The bottom was 15 kinds of horrid. She just threw shit at it. Unfortunately it stuck.

She was even all "My instincts said to stop." No shit. Then she made this weird noise to simulate scissors cutting the fabric poo off. I wish I could spell out the noise, but I can't. Just know it was awesome.

As we all know, Simone got the boot. Her dress was ugly and crappily made.

And that jacket was ill fitting.

And the hair was ugly. And the shoes were boring.

And I was unsurprised by her auf'ing.

Elisa overdid it, but she at least has skills.

So, the show is back and my photoshopping skills are lacking.

All important ingredients for a season of fun!! We're sure to have standout personalities and bitch fights galore.

Not to mention the fashion ;)

I can't wait! Can you?

Until next time, it's "sew" time to go watch football.

Kisses, bitches!